MOVING

OUT:

PARENTS SEEK NEW

OPTIONS FOR THEIR

ADULT CHILDREN

by Donna G. Albrecht

Having your child move out of your home is a rite of passage that announces to the world that he or she is ready to assume adult status. Able-bodied people usually take it for granted — you probably don’t.

Jerry Ferro, a licensed mental health counselor in Florida, knows exactly how difficult that transition can be, as he’s lived with spinal muscular atrophy (SMA) since infancy. He notes that “moving out isn’t an easy thing to do. Staying home isn’t easy. A lot depends on motivation. Why do you want to move?”

Why indeed?

One motivation for parents is the one we rarely say out loud: We want our lives back. After decades devoted to caregiving, we love our kids like crazy, but it’s time for them to move on to new challenges, and it’s time for us to try to get back the interests and activities we had “before” and the new challenges we have on our own “bucket lists.”

But often the motivation to move comes from a sudden crisis. Perhaps parents have become too old or too disabled to continue caring for their child, or perhaps they no longer have the emotional strength to keep going on.

Long before there’s an emergency, Ferro advises developing a support system or network that includes other family members, neighbors, friends, work colleagues, church members and others.

Don’t assume that people will come forward to help in an emergency — talk with them now about what kinds of help your adult child needs and how they can fit into the picture. Someone who can’t lift your child may be brilliant at handling paperwork and bureaucracies, or helping with laundry, meals and other support.

Find local resources

In the 1960s, a group of disabled students at the University of California at Berkeley created the Physically Disabled Students Program, to ensure that all aspects of academic and social opportunities were available to students with disabilities. Formally incorporated in 1970, it later became the model for CILs — centers for independent living — around the country.

Chris Mullen at the Berkeley CIL states, “CIL works exclusively with the disabled to assist in living more independently, but we do not focus on the individual disability. We have helped hundreds of individuals (our database is actually in the thousands!) find housing, an attendant, a job, etc. As long as the service helps a disabled person live independently, we assist with it.” The Web site www.disabilityresources.org offers a smorgasbord of information and opportunities.

When you and/or your son or daughter are ready to explore

Don’t assume that people will come forward to help in an
emergency — talk with them now about what kinds of help your
adult child needs and how they can fit into the picture.